The Lair Below the Lettuce District

Deep under Produce City, past three locked doors and a fireman's pole that nobody asked for, sat the Larryboy Lair.

It smelled like motor oil and leftover pickle juice, and the walls were covered in blinking screens showing every corner of the city above. Maps. Camera feeds. A coffee maker that beeped for no reason.

Larryboy stood at the main console in his full purple supersuit, helmet on, yellow visor gleaming. He was pressing buttons like he knew what they did.

"Alfred," he said proudly, "I think I fixed the north radar."

A calm voice came from the speakers. "You've turned on the sprinkler system in sector four, sir."

"...That's also good."

Alfred sighed. "There's a report from the market district. A small grape — name of Greta — knocked over an entire fruit stand. Apparently she sneezed."

Larryboy tilted his head. "One sneeze did all that?"

"Witnesses say the stand flew twelve feet."

Larryboy slowly turned from the console. "That's... a pretty powerful sneeze."

The Loudest Quiet Day

Alfred's voice crackled through the speakers again.

"Sir, there's more. Greta doesn't know about the sneeze. She thinks she tripped."

Larryboy pulled off his yellow visor to clean it. "She thinks she tripped?"

"She told the vendor she was sorry about her shoes."

He almost laughed. Almost. Because right then, every screen on the wall flickered — and went dark.

A low rumble shook the lair. Dust fell from the ceiling in little puffs. Then a grinding, cracking sound, like the earth itself was chewing something it shouldn't.

"Alfred—"

"The east tunnel," Alfred said, his voice careful and quick. "Something's collapsing. The old water pipes under market street — they've been rusting for thirty years."

Another rumble. The whole floor tilted an inch to the left.

The main console sparked. The lights blinked out.

In the dark, Alfred's voice came through thin and staticky: "Sir, I must tell you — the lair exit is buried. Both of them."

The lair groaned around Larryboy like a held breath.